Archive for February, 2009

Upcoming Board Meeting

February 27th, 2009

There is a Board meeting scheduled for Truckee, CA on Saturday.

No formal agenda has been set although the topics covered are likely to include a discussion on whether or not Wall Street Fat Cat Financier Aaron M. would make a good addition to the Board as our in-house Investment Banker. The upside is that we will have a guy on The Board who has expertise in the IPO market and can help maximize it’s valuation when it goes public in 2012. The downside is that he will likely steal our life savings in a massive Ponzi scheme, leaving us all for broke while he relaxes on exotic beaches surrounded by beautiful foreign women who will serve his every need, as is my understanding about how Wall Street works. How he handles his responsibility as Temporary Head of Safety this weekend will go a long way towards helping or hurting his chances. Expect the debate to be lively.

Finally, in order to satisfy our strong degenerate following (led by loyal reader “Gater”, whose minimum filth requirements have been mentioned before), no posting related to hot tubs would be complete without a picture of some hot girls hanging out in one:

Enjoy your weekend, wherever you’re making your turns.

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Messages From The Skieo, Safety, Sun Skier Events

The Legend of the Skunk Ape

February 26th, 2009

Our Utah post from yesterday made a brief mention of the Utah Yeti, the semi-official mascot of Utah skiing. Little did we know that mention would be enough to unearth devoted followers of another legendary beast – the Skunk Ape.

SkunkApe.Info is run by Dave Shealy, who heads up the Skunk Ape Research Headquarters and Trail Lakes Campground in Ochopee, Florida.

Dave is a proud American who firmly believes in the existence of the Skunk Ape and has dedicated his life to proving its existence. So what is a Skunk Ape, you ask? Read below:

Skunk Ape is a large hairy, bipedal mammal that calls the Florida Everglades home. They have been spotted as far north as Tallahassee and as far south as Lostman’s River. Large adult males reportably weigh in excess of 450 lbs and stand 6 to 7 feet tall. Some believe that this biped is part of the same species as the famed Big Foot.

The smell of a Skunk Ape has been reported to be similar to rotten eggs or methane, possibly because, as some say, they hide in alligator dens filled with swamp gas and rotting animal cadavers. Others speculate that they smell because they never bathe. Maybe it is a combination of both.

So basically, it is a Floridian Bigfoot. You can learn more about the Skunk Ape in the Research Field Guide, complete with illustrations:

Is there photographic proof of the existence of the Skunk Ape? Of course!

I dare you to deny the existence of Skunk Ape now.

The bottom line is that SkunkApe.Info is a treasure trove of knowledge about this largely misunderstood, gentle creature. Spend some time on there learning about Skunk Ape, and next time you’re in Ochopee, Florida you can stop by Skunk Ape HQ to say hi to Dave and maybe go out on a Skunk Ape safari of your own.

I leave you with a few of the Quotes from Dave, a rotating feature on the lower left of the home page where Dave leaves nuggets of knowledge on the Skunk Ape & life in general:

“I feel strongly that it’s just my purpose, that it’s what I have to do. It’s not an obsession. But it seems like it’s the way my life’s come together.”

“Why do Skunk Apes smell so bad? They hide in the air pockets of underground alligator dens, and their bodies absorb a lot of stinky methane. It’s hot down here. And the Skunk Ape sweats and it doesn’t bathe.”

“I don’t want to get into any big conspiracy theories but there’s a lot going on down here.”

“You’ve heard of the Everglades Restoration Program? And the cost: what is it? $300 billion? [Editor's Note: Actual Cost Estimate as of 2006 - $11 billion] Why would the government invest that kind of money into an area that’s nothing but a swamp? They are making huge tracts of the Everglades off-limits. The first thing that I think of when I hear “off-limits” is that there’s something going on out there.”

“A lot of people thought the Skunk Ape was a hoax. They said it cheapened my business. Made me look like some kind of flim-flam man, out to take advantage of tourists. That’s not my intention at all.”

“My biggest hope is that somebody will call me and tell me ‘Yes, I have a hand, a foot and a skull.”

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Off Piste

Utah Yeti Sightings:0 Sun Skiers:Plenty

February 25th, 2009

The is the Utah Yeti, the unofficial mascot of Ski Utah:

Unfortunately I did not see any Utah Yetis while I was there although local legend is that they do roam the hills. Along with the Yeti, another no-show was the famous Utah powder, known as The Best Snow on Earth. But that’s OK – on Saturday we were treated to a gorgeous bluebird day at Snowbird:

Looking down at the reward ahead of me after a short hike

I thought an Econ degree from Michigan was a good idea because…?

Luckily the sun really brought out the sun skiers. In general the crowd was pretty local & legit, with the popular sun skier look of the day being no hat & sunglasses although there was certainly some overlap with Team Players, Old Timers & Middle Aged Moms & Dads:

Rode the lift with these guys – real nice dudes, total sun skiers.

After a nice day at Snowbird we made the short trip to Park City. One of the best things about Utah skiing is the proximity of everything – Salt Lake City is 30 minutes from Snowbird/Alta/Brighton/Solitude, 45 minutes from Park City, and S/A/B/S is about 40 minutes to PC. That makes a quick weekend trip to the area VERY attractive. (Utah Travel Council – you can either send me an endorsement check or I will accept reimbursement in the form of free future ski trips, whatever works for you). We had a great dinner on the outskirts of Park City with with loyal reader (and PC property owner – I recommend staying on his good side) Karl Stein & friends followed immediately by a complete pass out due to tired legs & full stomachs.

The next day we audibled from plans to sample The Canyons and instead hit Park City, starting at the Silver Star lift right outside Karl’s door (premier units still available!). The weather wasn’t as suntastic but Park City made a nice showing for itself with its rolling slopes & classic clueless tourist sun skiers:

All in all Utah did not disappoint, both from a riding & a sun skier observation perspective. This was my first trip there but I am quite confident it won’t be my last. I leave you with our MVP of the weekend, a fine example of The Foreigner seen at Park City:

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Having some issues…

February 24th, 2009

Working on a technical issue with Utah pictures so the recap post is going to be a bit delayed – I promise it will be up as soon as I get the issue resolved.

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From the SkiIO

How to Make the Perfect Snowboard Turn

February 23rd, 2009

Snowboarding is difficult at first, as any beginner can attest to. Making turns on a snowboard looks deceptively easy but learning how to do it typically leads to plenty of bruised tail bones & sore wrists as you figure it out. However, it all comes down to a couple basic maneuvers:

Step 1: As you approach the turn, let the board swing out in an arc while you prepare to apply pressure with your legs. Make sure all women within a 500 yard radius have their attention focused on you and the savage turn you are about to make.

Step 2: Carve the slope with your edge as you swing your legs from heelside to toeside or vice versa. Try to spray anyone on the slopes near you with a nice rooster tail of snow – that’s what they get for being on the same run as you.

Step 3: Complete the turn as you find yourself on the opposite edge of your board. Repeat steps 1-3 several hundred thousand times for best results.

Special thanks to for their help with the visual portion of today’s lesson.

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Utah Recap Coming Soon

February 23rd, 2009

Official recap of the SkiEO’s fact-finding mission to Utah will be posted later today or early tomorrow due to travel delays on the way home. In the meantime, here is a picture of Utah Utes gymnast Kristina Baskett…she’s talented.

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Messages From The Skieo

Big Love

February 20th, 2009

Off to Utah this weekend to pick myself up a few wives.

And what the hell, while I’m there I might as well check out Snowbird & The Canyons – I’ve heard they’re OK.

Full recap to follow early next week obviously. Enjoy your weekend, wherever you may be making your turns…

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Sun Skier Events Sells Out

February 19th, 2009

Well, not really – in order to sell out you need to get paid. This is more like a public service announcement. First of all, I hope you all watch Always Sunny in Philadelphia or at least have watched it on DVD. If not, you should be taken out back & shot. One of the characters from the show, Charlie, created an alter ego called “Greenman” who first made his appearance in Season 3, Episode 2: The Gang Gets Invincible.

Greenman gained such a cult following that a couple of savvy guys decided to start selling Greenman suits through their website, It was a hit, and Greenmen started showing up everywhere. Of course your SkiEO was on the cutting edge of this trend:

Here I am explaining why it feels so good to be Greenman while in Vegas:

The bottom line is that the Greenman suit was one of the best purchases I have ever made. Now, the guys who brought you the Greenman suit you are back with their newest product: The Root Suit! Designed for the college football fan but suitable for anyone who wants to clad themselves in a multi-colored spandex suit, The Root Suit is a great attention getter for game days – you’re almost guaranteed to get on TV wearing this thing! Here are a few pictures of The Root Suit in action in my personal favorite colors of Maize & Blue:

Like I said, we received no financial compensation for this posting – I am just a big fan of what these guys have been able to accomplish and so I want to see them do well. If you so chose to order one, enjoy your Root Suit and I will see you soon on ESPN!

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Messages From The Skieo, Off Piste, Video ,

Dead Horses – As Easy to Beat as Advertised

February 18th, 2009

This just in – Tahoe (and Kirkwood in particular, with 10 FREAKIN’ FEET in the last week) has gotten absolutely pounded with snow. If I a) wasn’t currently fired from my SkiEO position, and b) actually possessed a pair of testicles, I’m sure I would be hitting it right now.

This poor bastard has no idea about the beatdown he’s about to get.

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Snow Porn ,

Ish Shafe to Cross Kidsh

February 17th, 2009

If you’re a parent and your kid goes to a school where this guy is the Crossing Guard it might be a good idea to just walk them across the street yourself…

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Off Piste